Do you dream of baking with your young kids, but not sure if you can handle it? Here are 15 tips to know if you are ready to bake with your kids!
by Laura Onstot | Laura Onstot, registered nurse and mom of 2 young kids, rarely pees alone, only frequents restaurants with Kraft Mac N Cheese, and blogs at Nomad’s Land. In her spare time, she can be found sleeping on the couch while she lets her kids watch endless episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Her parenting advice is questionable, but at least she’s honest. Follow her on Twitter @LauraOnstot.
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You know how all the parents of Instagram appear to lead calm, peaceful lives while baking muffins with their 2-year-old? The white marble counters are spotless, and a wreath hangs in the background. Meanwhile, their two-year-old is angelically cracking an egg into the bowl while dusted in a fine layer of flour. Or is licking brownie batter off a spoon while wearing a white dress.
And you think to yourself, “This must be doable!” And, if I bake with my kid, my life will transform to include spotless white marble countertops, wreaths, and peace.
It is a lie friends, it is a lie.
But, that does not mean you shouldn’t do it: all the childless child-rearing experts say it is a good bonding activity. And as we all know, we must follow the advice of all parenting experts we encounter. So to make your life easier, I have compiled a list of activities that will simulate what it is like to bake with young kids. That way, you can try it before you introduce your child to the joy of baking.
Activities that will simulate what it is like to bake with your kids:
- Throw a couple of raw eggs on the floor. Then, step on them, and walk through the entire house.
- Take a ten-pound bag of flour and sprinkle it throughout your house. Make sure to sprinkle it over the egg that has been tracked through the house. Don’t forget to rub some of it into the rugs, put a couple of scoops in each cabinet, and for good measure, throw handfuls up in the air.
- Practice saying “Careful!” five billion times. Get progressively louder each time you say it.
- Go to therapy to work on the idea that your kitchen house will be a disaster for the rest of your life.
- Smear brownie batter into every crevice you can find in the kitchen. Smear it on some of your kid’s clothes, and then ask your spouse to determine whether it is brownie batter or poop. They may use the smell test, but licking is not recommended.
- Use yogurt as finger paint and create cave-men-esque scenes throughout the house.
- Practice eating garbage while smiling and saying, “This is so delicious!”
- Stand your dog up on a chair and give him a whisk to help you mix the dry ingredients. This is an extremely accurate exercise.
- Inoculate all the food you eat with germs obtained from the airport bathroom floor to simulate what your immune system will need to withstand the food your child has made.
- Take every pot and pan out of your cabinets and spread them throughout the house. Throw away your measuring spoons because they will be lost forever. And now, attempt to bake with whatever wares you have left. The leftover spoon from Chick Fil A that may or may not have been used makes a great substitute for a teaspoon. I like to use stacking cups from the bathtub as makeshift measuring cups. Just take your best guess at which cup to use. And don’t worry about washing them before use… they got cleaned at the last bath… right?
- Read recipes, but don’t follow the instructions-disregard them all. Add an extra egg and 1 teaspoon of baking powder? Make that a cup. The recipe doesn’t call for ketchup? Throw some in for good measure. While you are mixing, just take a handful out and smear it somewhere. You didn’t need that handful anyway.
- Start licking everything. Taste each ingredient before it goes into the bowl. If you need a palate cleanser, lick the counter.
- Use the blender without putting the lid on.
- Does a recipe call for eggs? Just throw the whole egg in there… The shells add a nice crunch.
- Never wash your hands when you are done. Wipe them on your shirt.
If you complete this list of activities without losing your sanity, you are ready to bake with your child! Make sure you have your phone at the ready to capture pictures of your child baking while you slowly lose your mind. You can share these on Instagram, but it is more likely that your spouse will use these photos to try to make sense of what happened in the moments before you were admitted to a psych ward.
And before you begin, make sure you and your child are wearing matching white dresses.