Finding Yourself: A Love Story on How to Do It Successfully

Are you on a mission to enjoy more out of life? Then finding yourself should be a top priority. Here’s how to do it successfully!

by Sade Jenkins | Sade Jenkins is a Self-care Management Specialist, providing moms with wellness products and services to help mothers reconnect with their happiness after having kids. You can connect with her by visiting her site

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Are you on a mission to enjoy more out of life? Finding yourself after having kids can be a scary roller coaster of emotions. The great thing about roller coasters is that there are always great things to see and learn along the way.

As moms, we experience many highs and lows throughout our journey. With this, motherhood can make us question our individual identities separate from motherhood. But it doesn’t have to feel that way. Instead, there are three key things that you can do on your journey to make it more fun and meaningful, while also help in finding yourself. In this guide, I’m going to share these three simple steps.

Photo by Daria Obymaha

#1 Time to Dig Deep

The first thing you need to do is observe who you are right now. Dig deep within yourself when asking this question.

Let me break it down further. 

Throughout the years, we have shown up as the go-to mother, friend, daughter, sister and so much more. We literally know everything about our kids’ sleep schedule to the length of their longest hair on their head. The question is, could you answer or explain all the details about yourself to that level? If you can’t right away, it means you lost sight of your needs, and while that’s okay, it’s certainly not permanent. 

Here’s how you can start learning about yourself again:

Get a notebook that is just for you. Write these questions down, then answer them. 

  • What is something that makes me feel excited?
  • What is one thing I would like to do alone?
  • What would I like to have more of in my life? Describe what that looks like.
  • What would I like to have less of, and why? Be very detailed with this question.

The point of these questions is to help you move towards creating your own version of happiness. The only way you can start is by asking yourself the hard questions. 

I remember the first time I did this, and it felt uncomfortable because it was new. I chose to do it because I really wanted to experience all the things that I’ve always talked about doing, but never did. So when you begin this part of finding yourself, realize that it will feel uncomfortable, but it is worth it.

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#2 Stay Open & Accountable

The interesting thing about adulthood is that we often stop allowing ourselves to dream big. But think back to when you were a child. Try to remember how everything seemed so exciting and like there were no limits to what you could accomplish. Now fast forward to when you entered adulthood and motherhood.

If you dream less than when you were a child, it could be because you decided to show up for others more than showing up for yourself. The thing about showing up for everyone else is that it can make you forget about the things you really want for yourself. Lets get laser focused on the process of dreaming big and making it doable within your lifestyle. 

Take a deep look at what you want more of and want less of in your life. Take those answers and use it as a guide to help you move forward with making goals happen. Here are a few examples of how to do this:

Example 1:

You checked your schedule and realized you have 5 to 10 minutes of time to yourself at night. This would be when you put that extra time to good use by adding one of the items from your more list.

With this simple act, you will increase relaxation, and feel more in-tune with yourself throughout your journey.

Example 2:

You desire to have more time with other moms. To make this happen, consider creating a list of local mom support groups or mommy and me classes. But a list is not enough to get you the more on your list. The next step would be to step out of your comfort zone and attend local mommy and me events. Finally, you would commit to doing this at least once a week.

By taking these simple steps, you will slowly meet other moms, bringing more things into your life that increases your happiness.

During this part of your journey, I recommend that you consider asking a supportive friend to help keep you accountable to the goals you set. Having someone that supports you can make a huge difference in those moments where you want to give up. Plus, accountability partners always show up just in time to give you that extra push or motivation that we often need. Take it a step further and write down your reasons for wanting to start this journey. Allow that to be your daily affirmation and reminder to keep going. 

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#3 Strengthen Your Mind

The last key to the puzzle is faith and self-love. Both things go hand in hand. You need the faith to help you through the moments of doubt. Life will test you at some point, and that can make it hard to stay focused on the why.

When you have faith, it will provide you with reassurance that you’re making the right decision. I’m sure you’re wondering, “How do I build my faith during low moments?” I suggest reading or listening to positive books daily to strengthen your mind. I also encourage you to find or create a group that supports your journey. You can never have too much support.

The other half to this step is strengthening your self-love by checking in with yourself. To help with the process, I recommend journaling everything you feel, think, and experience. Each week, read through your journals to see if you like what you’re hearing. The great thing about checking in with yourself is that you get to see your progress and adjust your journey as needed.

The Takeaway

The journey of being a mom can truly be amazing, but the true excitement happens when we get to know ourselves while being the amazing mom. If you get nothing else from these three key steps, remember that the journey is about reaching your ultimate level of happiness in life. So, stay focused on the why and embrace the beautiful process and progress of the journey.

Keep growing and glowing mamas!

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