The Journey to Worthiness: Unraveling the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Discover how one working mom challenges the societal norms and embarks on a journey to find her inherent worthiness. A must-read for every mother.

By Meghan Dwyer 

Feature Photo by Tobias Bjørkli on Pexels.com

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Lately, worthiness has been weighing heavily on my mind. It’s something that keeps coming up for me in different areas of life. This is a sign to me that it’s something I need to dig a little deeper into. 

We live in a world where it is completely normal to get caught up in the pursuit of success and validation. I know these feelings to be true especially as a working mom, juggling multiple responsibilities. Like so many women out there, I have found myself overwhelmed and frustrated even when I pour my energy into things I like to do, never mind juggling all the other everyday tasks that need to get done (I’m talking to you, laundry!). I always believed since I was a kid that the more I pushed and hustled, the greater the reward would be. 

One sleepless night, I decided to brain dump and clear all the thoughts swirling around my mind. As I wrote down my thoughts, a profound question emerged – “What happens if it all goes away?” What happens if I didn’t have my job, my family, my accomplishments, – everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve. Would I still be okay? This question shook me to the core because it reached my deep-seated struggle with worthiness. 

Growing up, I internalized stories that I wasn’t smart, and that success had a specific definition. These narratives also extended into my role as a mother, where I felt pressured to conform to a certain ideal. I always felt that I needed to be like other moms, or that my own worthiness was somehow determined by how good I was at breastfeeding or how my children behaved. I would find anything I could as a distraction, and I was constantly seeking validation, and recognition from the world around me. 

But during that late-night brain dump, I challenged myself to imagine a life without the things that validate me externally. Would I still be good enough? Would I be smart enough for my family, myself, and society? This concept of “good enough” acts as a right of passage to unlock true worthiness. Yet I always found it to be elusive and unattainable. It wasn’t until I realized I had been using achievements as a means to feel worthy that I understood that I needed to recognize my inherent worthiness. I needed to find what I deemed my worthiness rather than what my environment was telling me.

I know I’m not alone in saying that many fall into the trap of seeking validation outside ourselves. It’s the feeling of constantly needing to prove ourselves and it gives away our power and allows others to determine our worthiness for us. And at the end of the day, it feels terrible. I want to take that power back. I don’t need to look for my bosses, clients, friends, and family for approval anymore. I want to find my approval from within and show myself the same empathy and care that I extend to others. As women, we are particularly prone to this pattern, putting others’ exceptions on a pedestal and assuming that is what validates our worthiness. 

I vividly recall my struggles with postpartum depression, and feeling inadequate as a mother because I struggled to breastfeed. This made me feel like I was unable to connect with my child. I believed that I had to prove myself as a good mother, rather than recognize my worthiness within that role. Worthiness is our birthright. We don’t need to prove or earn anything. It’s a fundamental truth that we all deserve yet most of the time, overlook. 

So how can we start a journey towards worthiness? The first step is to embrace self-awareness. I want you to take a few moments to slow down and tune into the areas where feelings of unworthiness arise for you. Ask yourself these questions:

• What does it mean for me to be worthy?
• How would my life be different if I believed in my worthiness?
• If you did believe you were worthy, what decisions would you make differently?

As you reflect on these questions, be patient with yourself and recognize the unraveling these stories can bring. Embracing and finding your worthiness is a gradual journey, it’s not a challenge to overcome or a box to check off. It requires compassion and understanding that you are on a path toward self-enlightenment and fulfillment. 

How many times have you achieved a goal only to quickly move on to the next without taking the time to appreciate your accomplishment? I can personally relate to this behavior of always striving for more and never feeling satisfied. It’s crucial to recognize that “good enough” is a subjective definition that we define for ourselves.

As you go along this journey, remember to acknowledge the stories that have shaped your beliefs. These narratives may have been ingrained in us for many years, but we do have the power to choose a different story. We can lose the stories that no longer serve us and rewrite new ones. This is a process of growth, self-discovery, and it takes time. We are all human, and life doesn’t neatly fit into a perfect box, even if we wished it did. But we can choose to embrace our worthiness and let go of the need to prove ourselves. We’ve proved enough just by being where we are, right here, today.

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Meghan Dwyer is a Certified Financial Planner and host of the ‘Money Isn’t Scary’ podcast. After spending 15 years watching women take a passive role in the management of their money, she’s on a mission to help them stop playing small. By challenging the societal norms around women and money, Meghan aims to empower women to make money decisions out of a sense of abundance and confidence, rather than scarcity and fear. You can follow Meghan on Instagram here.

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