Dealing With the Stigmas Faced by Single Fathers

Are you dealing with stigmas as a single father? Only some single fatherhood stigmas are benign. Know what they are and how to deal with them in this guide.

by Jack Shaw

Feature Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. To learn more, please read our Disclaimer HERE.

---

Being a single father comes with a unique set of challenges. You may be able to share the duties and responsibilities for your child with a co-parent, but your situation exposes you to various stigmas — self, label avoidance, public, structural and perceived.

• Self-stigma: When you believe the misconceptions or assumptions the general public has about your situation 

• Label avoidance: Occurs when you distance yourself from single fathers to avoid discrimination

• Public stigma: Society’s usual sentiment toward you as a single dad 

• Structural stigma: Refers to the private and public policies based on biased attitudes against your situation

• Perceived stigma: When you correctly or incorrectly believe others would judge you for having to raise your kid independently

Here are the common stigmas single dads face.

Self-Stigma: Vulnerability Inappropriateness

Society expects fathers to be cold parental figures who must only evoke toughness. Not conforming to this expectation renders men targets of disrespect. Many people think less of male parents who show affection to their sons, cry in front of their daughters and go to therapy for self-care.

Internalizing these gender stereotypes can keep you from forging a solid bond with your little one. As a single father, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable. It doesn’t make you a bad parent — it makes you human. You’re strong, not weak, so disassociate the toxicity of bottling up your emotions from your masculine identity. After all, children with affectionate fathers have higher life satisfaction and greater self-acceptance.

Label Avoidance: Dating Unattractiveness

Anecdotally, single men find themselves at a disadvantage in the dating world for having a child. They say single ladies — including those who have kids themselves — swipe left on them. Some frustrated bachelors believe women assume getting involved with them inevitably entangles them in drama.

If single fatherhood is a flaw instead of a feature in dating, it will incentivize you to withhold this information or even deny it initially to find love. It can be a losing strategy since you can’t hide this fact forever. Confessing it later may constitute a betrayal of trust.

Don’t hold a grudge against women who are cautious to single fathers. They have the right to set their standards and miss out on a guy like you. It even makes dating easier because having a kid can filter out bad matches, saving you resources and keeping you from making emotional investments in the wrong people.

Besides, a 2023 survey found that 62% of single women prefer single dads. More ladies now seek maturity, decisiveness, stability, responsibility and commitment to family.

Public Stigma: Home Management Ignorance

Being compared to your child’s mother comes with the territory. However, many assume single fathers are terrible at chores. Not knowing your way around the kitchen is a likely accusation others may throw at you. If you’re seen with your kids at a fast-food restaurant, some observers will likely think it’s because you can’t prepare healthy meals at home.

This stigma isn’t unfounded. Women worldwide cook more frequently than men. It’s a global phenomenon, so it’s not cultural. Still, the number of men who prepare meals domestically is increasing. Traditional roles are disappearing, so the notion male parents can’t do household work as female ones do should die over time.

Structural Stigma: Mother Bias

The United States is biased toward female parents regarding child custody. In a country with the highest rate of kids under 18 living in a single-parent household, only a fraction of children born to separated families stay with their dads.

The system has normalized the belief that mothers are more fit as parents than fathers, conditioning the minds of the public. That’s why the world tends to presume dads are less interested in their kids’ lives.

This presumption can make your life as a parent challenging at times. School officials are more likely to send progress reports to your child’s mom. You’d be hard-pressed to find changing tables in men’s bathrooms.

Being awarded sole physical custody of your kid will almost always shock people. Although it should speak volumes about your qualifications as a parent, some may still question your capabilities as a single parent even after getting a favorable decision from the court.

Although these situations are sometimes understandable, they can still be insulting. Society has a long way to go, but there’s progress. For example, single-father surrogacy is becoming widely acceptable.

In states that legally permit surrogacy, the healthcare industry has more trust in men to raise their biological children on their own. If you want to have a kid who’s your own flesh and blood, you won’t be forced to pursue adoption. Your surrogacy contract can legally recognize you as a parent before your child’s birth and remove any legal obligations the surrogate mother may have in regard to your offspring.

Perceived Stigma: Support Group Scarcity

Much has been said, written and talked about the struggles of single motherhood. Unfortunately, the support system for single dads isn’t as strong. Most people consider men as lesser parents, so it’s not surprising that only a few have sympathy toward the plight of single fathers.

A body of research conducted pre-pandemic found male solo parents have high stress, anxiety and depression rates and are less inclined to seek medical assistance. Hopefully, the push for gender-neutral and equitable policies will lead to more attention to men’s mental health to address the unmet psychosocial needs of single dads.

Become Immune to Single Fatherhood Stigmas

Being stigmatized for being single fathers and men is annoying only if you let it get under your skin. Some stigmas are more malicious than others, but you have no control over others’ actions and behaviors. Focus on doing everything for your child to silence doubters and prove them wrong.

---

---

Like this guide?

Subscribe for more!